4 weeks ago I moved to a city I didn’t know with no job lined up. I had $1500 to my name and only 6 months of traditional work experience under my belt.
I don’t believe in family loyalty
I don’t believe in family loyalty.
Read that one more time: I don’t believe in family loyalty.
The first time that thought entered my head, I was horrified. I actually felt ashamed. I promptly told myself, “What a terrible thing to think! How could you even let that thought run through your mind? Get rid of it. Never think that again.”
But a few days later, it came back to me. Hearing it the second time, I was still shocked, but this time I was able to take a look at why. And after a lot of thinking, I’ve really accepted it.
I don’t believe in family loyalty. And I don’t think you should either.
But Can’t I Have Both?
In a story I wrote, Be What You Are, a girl dreams of being a dancer. But she doesn’t just want to be a dancer, she wants to be one of the most prestigious dancers in society – one that performs for the king and his family and guests. A sort of fairy godmother or guiding spirit, Mother Heron, appears to the girl and tells her that she has to choose: she can either find her own path and be a “true” dancer or be a dancer for the king. She can’t both be herself and be a court dancer.
Everyone has to decide what’s right for them and their own life. But I’ve learned that what you think you want and what you actually want are two very different things.
To use the girl from the story as an example, she loves dancing and is fulfilled by it. At her very core, she is a dancer. It’s what she’s meant to be. And so when she looks at the world, she assumes that this highest dancing position (what’s better or more important than dancing for the king?) is the one that she’s meant to take.
Productive vs Valuable
This post is a part of my Personal Development Project for May 2016.
“I was so unproductive yesterday.”
“I couldn’t get anything done all week. What a waste!”
“Man, I didn’t do anything today!”
The number of times I’ve said or heard these things is too high to count. We (people in general) like getting things done. We like seeing the results of our labor, creating tangible things. We’re obsessed with being productive.
Clearing your inbox is productive. Finishing that assignment is productive. Cleaning the house, taking the car into the shop, uploading the pictures from that vacation you took two months ago, doing the write-up for that meeting, being able to check something off your to-do list — all productive activities. Productivity means producing something tangible, something concrete, something completed.
Unproductive tasks, then, don’t produce tangible results. Taking a walk, for example, is unproductive. Going to the beach is unproductive. Watching a movie, getting on the internet, hanging out with friends, reading a few pages of a book, taking a nap, brewing a good cup of coffee, sitting in silence and just thinking about life — all of these things are unproductive. You usually have nothing tangible to show after you’ve engaged in these kinds of activities.
Somehow, the word “productive” has come to be “valuable”. And by extension, “unproductive” has come to mean “not valuable”. But this is a huge shame (or rather, a huge sham!) because a lot of unproductive tasks are actually quite valuable. Taking time for yourself is valuable. Building meaningful relationships is valuable. Slowing down and enjoying and appreciating life is valuable.
Lessons Learned from a Failed Relationship: Embracing Fear
It costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the enlightenment, or the courage, to pay the price…. One has to abandon altogether the search for security, and reach out to the risk of living with both arms. One has to embrace the world like a lover, and yet demand no easy return of love. One has to accept pain as a condition of existence. One has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing. One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to the total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying.
-The Shoes of the Fisherman, Morris West
Welcoming rejection in my home
At the very start of this relationship, before I had even admitted my feelings for the guy I liked, I was gripped with a fear of rejection. I was afraid that he wouldn’t feel the same way. And I know I’m not special in this. Everyone feels this sort of anxiety when they realize they like someone. It’s often disorienting, stressful, makes you want to bury your head in the sand and hide there forever and ever. But after days of feeling literally sick to my stomach, I decided enough was enough. I sat down in a quiet room and welcomed rejection into my home. That’s right, I welcomed him in my home.