Leisa Michelle

Nerdy Monologues of an Autodidact

On Being Great vs Becoming Great

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This post is a part of my Personal Development Project for May 2016.

The world will allow you to follow your dreams once it realizes that it's too late to stop you.

-TK Coleman

I recently came across this video by TK Coleman on “Being Great vs Becoming Great”.

Basically, being great means that you produce tangible things of value. TK uses JK Rowling as an example of someone who is great. When she has a new book published, everyone flocks to the store to buy it. Her greatness is tangible — it’s a book on the shelf. We can touch it and read it and learn from it and pass it on to others.

Becoming great, in contrast, isn’t tangible. Becoming great is a long process that you have to commit to day after day. It’s not glamorous by any means. People will get on your case while you’re in the process of becoming great. They may tell you to grow up or stop being so boring.

TK says that when you tell someone you can’t hang out because you’re in a concert the next morning, they go, “Ahh, yeah cool! No problem! Next time then.” When you tell someone you can’t hang out because you want to practice your guitar, then they say, “Come on, man. Don’t be that way. Come out and have fun with us.”

People react positively to greatness that’s already established, and they’re less understanding of the actions required for becoming great.

The Paradox of Dreaming: You get the most support for your dreams when you least need it.

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“Revolutionary Parenting” – No More Punishments

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I don’t usually listen to podcasts (they’re uncomfortable to take notes on), but today I did. I started up Isaac Morehouse’s podcast episode entitled “Revolutionary Parenting” this morning just to hear what “revolutionary parenting” actually was. I was planning to Google whatever came up in the first 10 minutes of the discussion, turn off the podcast, and then keep reading what Google gave me. But I was completely entranced after a couple minutes of listening to Kevin Geary and Isaac bounce back and forth parenting philosophies that toss traditional ideas of punishment out the window.

“Parenting without punishment and reward” wasn’t a new concept for me when I started listening to this podcast episode. I meet a lot of educators and psychologists that practice NVC (nonviolent communication) and advocate primarily the use of empathy in child rearing instead of rewards and punishments. But the idea (and reality!) of not punishing your kids never gets stale for me. It’s incredible to consider what society would be like if we raised a generation of kids without punishing or shaming them for misbehaviors and so-called “bad choices.”

Why do we even punish kids?

According to conventional wisdom, when a kid does something wrong or bad, he needs to be punished. He didn’t do his homework? Grounded. He hit his sister? Grounded. He knocked over the china while playing ball? Grounded (or shamed with an unnecessarily brutal or accusatory talk). Maybe he’s spanked. Maybe he’s sent to bed without supper. Somehow, in some way, he’s punished.

We rationalize punishment by saying that all actions have consequences. We see ourselves, adults, as the judges of morality, good choices, and good behaviors. We uphold the law. If we don’t teach that actions have consequences, our kids will never learn that, right?

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No one’s laughing at God in a famine, fire, or flood

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No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet
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Now Look for Someone to Love

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You have buried someone you loved. Now look for someone to love. It is better to make good the loss of a friend than to cry over him.

-Letters from a Stoic, Seneca

Who was Seneca?

Seneca was a philosopher, statesman, and orator who was born in 4 BCE and died in 65 CE. He was an advisor to Emperor Nero, until accused of being a part of an assassination attempt on Nero’s life, and thus was ordered to commit suicide. During the course of his life, Seneca wrote several treatises and tragedies and hundreds of letters. He made a lot of important contributions to Stoicism, a school of philosophy that is usually described as a way of life. The Stoics were concerned mostly with actively and intentionally living virtuous lives. Philosophy wasn’t purely a collection of thoughts and theories, or even a mindset. For the Stoics, philosophy was actionable and applicable to everyday life; it was a lifestyle.

Now look for someone to love…

When we lose a friend — maybe due to the passing of time, the misalignment of values, or even a sudden visit from Death himself — it creates a void in our life. We don’t just have to come to terms with not being able to connect with our lost friend, we have to find a new thing to love in his place. We have to find someone or something worthy to replace him. Because we have not lost just a friend, but the object of our affections.

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Ignoring the Interest of Kings

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The danger in associating with kings arises from the fact that when kings enter upon the scene, and the spell of their influence gains strength, becoming like a great lamp, the person who keeps company with them, claims their friendship, and accepts money from them will inevitably speak in accordance with their desires. That person will listen to the kings’ mundane views with the utmost attention, and will not be able to deny them.

That is where the danger lies, it leads to a fading respect for the true source. When you cultivate the interest of kings, that other interest which is fundamental to the spiritual life becomes a stranger to you. The more you proceed down the path of kings, the more that direction where the Beloved dwells becomes lost.

Excerpt from Fihi Ma Fihi, The Discourses of Rumi

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