Leisa Michelle

Nerdy Monologues of an Autodidact

“Revolutionary Parenting” – No More Punishments

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I don’t usually listen to podcasts (they’re uncomfortable to take notes on), but today I did. I started up Isaac Morehouse’s podcast episode entitled “Revolutionary Parenting” this morning just to hear what “revolutionary parenting” actually was. I was planning to Google whatever came up in the first 10 minutes of the discussion, turn off the podcast, and then keep reading what Google gave me. But I was completely entranced after a couple minutes of listening to Kevin Geary and Isaac bounce back and forth parenting philosophies that toss traditional ideas of punishment out the window.

“Parenting without punishment and reward” wasn’t a new concept for me when I started listening to this podcast episode. I meet a lot of educators and psychologists that practice NVC (nonviolent communication) and advocate primarily the use of empathy in child rearing instead of rewards and punishments. But the idea (and reality!) of not punishing your kids never gets stale for me. It’s incredible to consider what society would be like if we raised a generation of kids without punishing or shaming them for misbehaviors and so-called “bad choices.”

Why do we even punish kids?

According to conventional wisdom, when a kid does something wrong or bad, he needs to be punished. He didn’t do his homework? Grounded. He hit his sister? Grounded. He knocked over the china while playing ball? Grounded (or shamed with an unnecessarily brutal or accusatory talk). Maybe he’s spanked. Maybe he’s sent to bed without supper. Somehow, in some way, he’s punished.

We rationalize punishment by saying that all actions have consequences. We see ourselves, adults, as the judges of morality, good choices, and good behaviors. We uphold the law. If we don’t teach that actions have consequences, our kids will never learn that, right?

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Pleasure, Motivation, Assessment, and More: A Conversation on Education

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The other day, I posted a link to this TED Talk by Seth Godin along with some of my personal comments on Facebook. I’m a fan of Mr. Godin’s work, and also an avid reader of books on alternative and progressive education. I wasn’t expecting anyone to raise any eyebrows at the share. We all have a funny habit of assuming that other people think just like us, and I’m not an exception. So I was surprised when a family friend and educator commented on my status update and raised some questions. There was no judgment in his reaction, just, “Hey, I’m not sure this provides the whole picture. Here’s what my experience is.”

I really respect this man and his long-withstanding dedication to both his students and his field of expertise. And so the things that he said in response had a lot of weight. They made me stop and think. And think and think. And so presented below are the points that this teacher brought up and my responses to them.

Students don’t want to learn things because it’s not preferred – they’d rather do things that bring pleasure.

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Teachers, get out of the way!

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Without a doubt, every student has his own learning style. We’re all unique. So the ways we acquire new skills and knowledge are often unique. Some people learn better from reading about a task, others learn better from watching others do the task, and others still learn better from tinkering solely on their own.

But there’s one thing that’s universal. At some point, the guide needs to step out of view of the jungle behind him so his tour group can see the animals for themselves.

Keeping reading…

No one’s laughing at God in a famine, fire, or flood

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No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet
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You just have to want what you Want!

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“You’ve lost your humanity, friend. Really, truly, you are no longer human.”

It was my turn to laugh. “So what? I should be more like you? You’re human?” I scoffed, gesturing at Pan’s furry hide.

“No, I’m not human. To be human is to search, to reach, to dream. And it seems to me that your purpose now, Atilius, is to connect what you want with what you Want.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Dearest Atilius,” Pan hopped off of his resting place and waved the forest nymphs away, “it’s quite simple. There are things that fulfill you in your life, things that give you meaning and a sense of purpose. These are your Waaaants,” he said with a dramatic flourish of his hand. After a pause he continued. “On the other hand, your wants are what you do to try to make your true Wants a reality. Your wants are the physical realizations of your true Wants. For example, you Want love. Love will fulfill you, love will make you whole. You want to be a general because you Want love. But the problem is that you don’t get love from being a general. Your wants aren’t aligned with your Wants. So the solution is simple. You just have to want what you Want!”

-Excerpt from Atilius and Pan by Leisa Michelle

Why is wanting what you Want so hard?

The problem is that we get fixated on the physical. Our Wants aren’t physical, they’re… something else. Something deeper. They’re connected with our essence, our feelings, our spirit, our intuition. And it’s easy to ignore our feelings, spirit, and intuition because they aren’t concrete. And as if that doesn’t make it hard enough, society in general degrades feelings, the spirit, and intuition.

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